The strangest thing has been going from 18 close friends to about 5. I can count on my hands the people who I still keep in contact with since the trip ended in December. That breaks my heart. Nevertheless, Time and maturity have taught me that keeping in contact with people is truly a two way street. I used to blame myself as a child for not keeping in contact with my best friend in Kindergarten. What stress, right? I've always been an over-thinker. Though we were young, I remember blaming myself for the end of our friendship. I was scared of telephones (I always have seen phone calls as a disingenuous form of communication, and I never have trusted them as a means for true self-expression, I know it's a bit weird), and video chatting wasn't an invention back in my day. I thought that because I couldn't work up the courage to call her on the phone, our friendship would die.
The truth is that we've let countless friendships slip away, which makes me question how important they really were in the first place. I blamed myself, and I blamed the other people. I also blamed time, distance, chores, assignments, new friends, new commitments, the list goes on. But now, I actively want to prevent gravity from separating us. Why?
1. We've shared something life-changing together, and frankly you're the only one I can talk to about it. Us sharing that experience has formed the foundation for a life-long connection.
2. Keeping in contact with you helps me to remember the kind of person I was when we were last together. I gain some semblance of peace during our conversations because of the nostalgia you give and the familiarity of your voice.
So where am I at with this endeavor? In the midst of my course load, organization committments, work, and other responsibilities, I am struggling to stay in contact with them the way I imagined I would. It's a tough reality to come to terms with. I was recently given the opportunity to display photos from my travels (in the past 3 years) in the Student Center at my university. Some of my favorite shots are now printed and on display, along with my very own artist statement. I couldn't be any more thrilled about this. It is all too surreal, and I just pray that it is the beginning of even bigger things. But putting together this exhibit was an opportunity for me to reflect on my trip, and the relationships I formed during a matter of four months.
In the past, I've been scared of announcing my dreams. I'm quite open about expressing my long term goals, but when it comes to more immediate ambitions, I don't always share those aspects of my life with friends. I would love to be more open with others, and myself even, about my goals in the short term. So here I go, speaking life. "I want to be a photographer!"
I can't say all the specifics of this dream (mainly because I'm still hashing it out in my brain), but I certainly want a future with a camera in it, along with many interesting subjects to capture. I hope to travel the world, using my camera to not only record that which is beautiful, strange, and captivating in humanity, but also to connect with people and places. And ultimately, I hope to use my camera to keep track of all the short term memories that have ultimately impacted my life.
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